It’s not negative thinking. It’s accepting the reality that I will never beat my depression. It’s coming to terms this thing is more potent than I am. It’s assuming this is now my life. No one knows how I feel and what’s taking place inside my mind. My soul has come to peace that this is it. Every depression is different. I have a personality disorder. How much can a person take? It’s easier to accept defeat, and I feel so defeated!!
You can try to convince me all you want, but I’ve come to an understanding that this is it. Last night I thought about taking the fork I was eating with and slit my throat. It was the worst thoughts, and it surprised me!! Then my thoughts said, dragged it down deep into your skin. I laid the fork down and went to sleep.
I woke up tired 😓 , Confuse, hungry, lost, and alone. It felt as if no one is around; I have no one to turn to. Like a child lost, search for their parents. I felt lonely, and it bothered me. I didn’t like it!
Go on vacation, getaway, they say. It won’t work; I can’t leave my thoughts behind. What’s the point of wasting money!!