I’ve been struggling with emotions for the past month—just me being unhappy with life. Every day when I awake, I can’t seem to find happiness. As the day goes on, I try to find some form of joy to no avail. Eventually, I can feel the despair and accept the day for what it is. Sadly this war-fear is getting tiring. I’ve been searching for my meaning in this world, my existence, my purpose. I’ve yet to find the answer and refuse to have anyone define the person I am, based on their beliefs. I’ve yet to accept my emotions and the life I’ve created, and the damage that will arise.
My feelings are reckless, and with each passing day, I’m becoming unstable. I feel myself growing distant from myself. I am losing faith in finding my soulmate. Within the first year of marriage, I wanted to escape. I am grateful for my blessings, but at the same time, I feel curse. My existence will be a mere memory to those who love or claim to love me in due time. If I die today, will my soul wonder and eventually find peace? Or will I forever be trapped in my selfishness, for this is how I feel? I am complicated to understand and rebuff when others try to tell me who or what I am. I am encouraged not to stress what I cannot control. For me, that isn’t easy to deal handle. I fear a future that has yet come.